Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking

If there is no God, who always pops up that next Kleenex?

Too much Pluribus, not enough Unum.

Forget world peace; visualize using your turn signal.

What wouldn't Jesus do?

If you believe in telepathy, think about honking.

People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.

The box said Windows 2000 or better. So I installed Linux.

Use the best: Linux for servers, Mac for graphics, Windows for Solitaire.

I found Jesus - he was behind the sofa all the time.